long before kitten-centric calendars, man created the wheel. based on the findings of the toddland department of natural historical events and chili, a few years after the wheel, the car was manufactured. then henry “gotta make cars for my drive-in theater idea” ford unleashed the assembly line. and cars were everywhere. there were so many cars, they were crashing into each other. those days, the law stated if you were the cause of an automobile accident, you owed the other party one steak dinner at a mutually agreed upon restaurant. on a sunday. eventually, steak prices rose like a high-rising whatever makes this work, and bad drivers needed assistance. enter insurance companies. if bad drivers paid a little every month, they could hit anyone they wanted to for the insurance company would have to pay and pick a restaurant. eventually, laws and insurance practices changed. for the better? for the worse? call unsolved mysteries!

one thing that has changed is now insurance companies advertise. on television! with actors! that wear clothes! and sometimes those actors wear toddland bounties, like in this state farm commercial. captain grey-shirt is wearing the toddland greatest pants in burgundy (urban outfitters still has a few). enjoy the pants, captain grey-shirt, for you will not be getting any steak.