kids love candy. that is why all their teeth fall out. it’s evolution’s way of saying, “go for it. and here’s a car decal.” but what is one to do when they grow up and candy is still delicious? (spoke with candy on the phone the other day. candy has no plans of slowing down its deliciousness) adult humans have two options when dealing with candy. and luckily, they are here for your list pleasure:

1 - only eat candy in moderation (said ms. lame, your elementary school nurse)

or

2 - get your own show on the food network called “kid in a candy store” and travel this great u s of a looking for the best candy. all while wearing the toddland navajoe western buttondown.

again, thanks to superfan99 mack for sending this in. because you have brought this to our attention, you get to send us candy. sour patch kids will be accepted. red vines will be consumed. good and plenties will be rejected. they’re just black licorice coated in a candy shell. that’s the devil’s candy. and dude does not have an educated candy palette. always going on and on about butterscotch.