be safe out there and have as much fun as this kid. toddland will.
Archive for the ‘soapbox rant’ Category
its the friday before a long weekend.
Thursday, September 2nd, 2010how do you put a price on awesome?!
Wednesday, August 25th, 2010that is the question raised in this review of the toddland cheeseburger wallet. if you really want to know the formula of figuring out the price of awesome, you’d have to bribe a toddland price-conjuring wizard (usually an eye of newt would work). and then HE’D tell you (like toddland is going to use girls for a math-heavy job!) the formula; find out how much awesome costs to make. find out how much toddland needs to pay off hamster racing debts. add those two numbers together. that’s usually how toddland puts a price on awesome. enjoy the video!
this video was made for the site, fabnob. click and shop! or just click and look! but don’t click here and expect any shopping. no sir.
a picture is worth a thousand words
Monday, August 9th, 2010ladies and germs! boys and ghouls! toddland presents to you a video made by superfan 99 mack about toddland. actually, about how to make a bad video about toddland.
this video is about 4:06 long. if it’s shot at 24 frames per sec, that’s about 246 pics total (toddland does not have time to explain how pictures shown in rapid succession create the illusion of movement. ask a nerd). take those 246 pics and multiply them by 1000. what’s that abacus say? exactly. this video is worth roughly 35,780,239.33 words. toddland could describe the video with that many words (and it would be as awesome as the first day of autumn) instead of showing you the video, but toddland knows that you are a lazy generation with your lapphones and iMusicians. enjoy the movie and thank us later for saving you from having to read more than just the backs of cereal boxes.
in all honesty, sincerity, and warm beard hugs, thanks mack for taking the time and the risk to make this. it really means a lot to this little clothing company to have such frans (that is friends and fans together!) that would care enough to visit and interview us like we’re something special. toddland is just a couple folks trying to make the world’s radometer measure a little higher. and with frans like mack out there creating their own radness, it helps toddland know the radvolution is on its way.
happy 4th from toddland
Friday, July 2nd, 2010stay safe out there, folks.
like a good neighbor, toddland is there
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010long before kitten-centric calendars, man created the wheel. based on the findings of the toddland department of natural historical events and chili, a few years after the wheel, the car was manufactured. then henry “gotta make cars for my drive-in theater idea” ford unleashed the assembly line. and cars were everywhere. there were so many cars, they were crashing into each other. those days, the law stated if you were the cause of an automobile accident, you owed the other party one steak dinner at a mutually agreed upon restaurant. on a sunday. eventually, steak prices rose like a high-rising whatever makes this work, and bad drivers needed assistance. enter insurance companies. if bad drivers paid a little every month, they could hit anyone they wanted to for the insurance company would have to pay and pick a restaurant. eventually, laws and insurance practices changed. for the better? for the worse? call unsolved mysteries!
one thing that has changed is now insurance companies advertise. on television! with actors! that wear clothes! and sometimes those actors wear toddland bounties, like in this state farm commercial. captain grey-shirt is wearing the toddland greatest pants in burgundy (urban outfitters still has a few). enjoy the pants, captain grey-shirt, for you will not be getting any steak.
how many wallets make up the largest collection of toddland wallets in california?
Tuesday, May 25th, 2010spoiler alert: its 4.
thanks ricardo! nooooooooobishmyspacer!
everyday with toddland
Thursday, May 20th, 2010there are many importants in this world called life. friendship. hugs. little rays of sunshine that shine down when you’re feeling blue. licorice. and yet, none of those treasures of bliss matter after seeing the june/july 2010 issue of everyday with rachael ray. judges, please focus your attention spans on exhibit se-58:
notetakers will note in the lower left-hand corner, the toddland hot dog coin purse is featured as an “everyday faves style”. that’s totes presh. but that is not what is to be noted (hope you were using pencil). in the middle of a spread is a dog wearing overalls. call the crazy police, we got a 10-9-9er (crazy police code for dog wearing overalls). after much discussion and lunch, it was deemed that they should be called roveralls (thanks, ewan!). other names that almost took the trophy? (there is no trophy)
dogveralls
canineveralls
notcatveralls
untoddable
Sunday, May 16th, 2010on video hits one (”vh1″ for the pepsi generation), there’s a new television program cracker called “undateable” (this is not the upcoming toddland reality show - that will be titled “unwatchable”). “undateable” deals with the intricate mating rituals of the human species and why a homie can’t get no play.
on said show, comedian bill dwyer (not 1940s prohibition ganster “big” bill dwyer) makes the wakka-wakkas while wrapping his male torso with the shreky cardigan in royal/brown.
this got toddland pondering what would make an ovary-carrier undateable. after much deliberation, here is THE list:
1. not living
if you meet this disqualification, then you are disqualified. toddland cannot afford any wiggle room on this. all other ovary-carriers, kindly send your contact information. and cookies.
storytime with toddland
Wednesday, May 5th, 2010there once was a boy. he was a nice boy. tall. legs like tree trunks. people came from all around to carve hearts with their initials (and their sweet’s initials) in his tree trunk legs. eventually, that boy became known all over as “ralph”. “ralph” traveled this great continent, always stopping and telling the stories of the people that carved their memories into his tree bark skin. women teared up. men smiled. children ran because a guy with tree trunk legs was walking towards them. after some time, there was no more room on “ralph’s” legs. no more new stories. no more reasons to walk around and tell people those stories. so “ralph” just sat there, wondering what to do. he sat there all day. then all week. then all year.
eventually, those great tree trunk legs dug into the earth. “ralph” wasn’t going anywhere, and his legs knew it. they rooted down (that’s a term, right?). “ralph” had made his choice. he was to stay there. not telling anymore stories. he made that decision on a friday, and by monday, he was there for good.
and speaking of mondays, a new episode of the big bang theory aired last monday! on said episode, raj once again dawned the glorious tabata track jacket in blue! (shown here in navy/cream). go raj!
ovary-carriers, rejoice!
Friday, April 30th, 2010there is a beardful of things toddland has noted concerning ovary-carriers. one, they smell like sunshine cupcakes. two, they love their diet soda. three, tickling is not an acceptable form of greeting on a blind date (”i want a man that makes me laugh.” lies). literate ladies eye-reading this blog are thinking, “toddland, you nailed it. you should write a book on all these facts to share with the rest of the world. and i think i left the stove on. i was too busy thinking about shoes!”
while the “toddland guide to female humannequins” doesn’t come out for a while, toddland is helping out this way:
that’s right. toddland has officially made women’s tees. the bikes tee and the let’s die friends tee will both be available in the toddland online store. no more buying a men’s small, ladies.
now, put down your diet soda, pick up your boyfriend’s credit card, and order a tee. it is amazing how much toddland knows about you ovary-carriers. maybe toddland will write two books! the second will be to apologize for everything said in the first book. and this blog.