if space/time worked differently, maybe toddland would have been toddlaw enforcement. until the toddland scientists of fame figure out how to alter said space/time (pretty sure it has something to do with emmanuel lewis), toddland can just watch law and order. it’s on shows like law and order you can see high school basketball stars nicknamed teddy bear become officers (any hang time fans? no?). you can also see the toddland el pocketo gigante:
you can also see everyone’s favorite food-based comic jim gaffigan guest-starring and making faces at toddland.
now, in honor of mr. gaffigan, it’s time for toddland early 80’s comedy club time!
“oh man, speaking of law and order and food, can you imagine if two guys, named law and order, went to a restaurant?
the waitress would be all ‘can i take your order?’
and law would be all ‘take him? why? we just got here! flashdance!’
give a man a fish, he eats for a day. teach a man to fish, he doesn’t need you anymore (ancient chinese proverb).
it turns out tradeshows are gifts that keep giving. from the class tradeshow, toddland made it on “youtube” (it’s a popular webular site with college kids, ages 12-43), opened more accounts (credit card accounts, they were handing out free fan/spraybottles!), and even got interviewed a lots. so many questions (luckily none were math-based). now the interviews are starting to pop up like a groundhog in february. here’s the favorite so far. favorite because its all written in chinese and then translated by a magician known as google translator. here it be for your bilingual eyes:
Designer Todd interview at the Class Show, wow!There are many fun-filled scene of goods, Todd recommended the first ultra-popular Cheese goods which Hamburg’s wallet was also in possession of a TODDLAND exclusive tip cards, there is a red vest “Hot Stuff” interesting use of some of our favorite elements, and more fun series, such as this blue T shirt “I Just Want To Ride Bikes With You”, when the end of the world of that day I just want to find a girl like riding a bicycle along with the other a “Lets Die Friend” meaning similar to the When the end of the world when I just want to get together a group of diehard followers, the idea of super-praise!The Greatest Pants In The Universe pants, trousers, many of the details of which can be found inside, like pants with a range of design and tailoring.哈哈!Moderator funny only a pair of shorts took off his shirt and then wear a life jacket Dongdong Dong went to one side, a movement in canoe holding a fishing rod to create wild effects.You see we are going to take it behind the scenery very much!!!We also have French fries wallet, purse, hot dogs zero fun accessories and convenient to carry you to here!
at toddland, there’s not much we want. not because we light our money cigars with gold matches, but because we have frans like you guys (friends + fans = frans, silly!). not to get too lifetime channel on your noggin, but toddland really does have the best frans a company could dream of (companies now have the ability to dream!). you are the reason toddland is able to be toddland. if toddland wasn’t confident that rad humans still existed (that’s you!), we would be powerless. like superman without the rays of the yellow sun. toddland will not stop until our frans are happy. and also, our frans won’t stop until toddland is happy.
example B-13
in an earlier post, toddland stated that we desired no birthday presents for our first birthday. other than cookies. and superfran kristine obeyed! she sent us a whole box of homemade AND handmade cookies. she then took those same hands and wrote toddland a note! luckily, toddland was able to read the note before our tears of emotion smeared the ink. those cookies remind toddland that we’re making rad for the rad.
all you who are reading this are probably thinking “maybe if i send toddland something, then they’ll feature it on the blog, too!” one, don’t be selfish. do good to do good. and two, hell yeah toddland will put it on the blog. other than cookies, you can send swedish fish, a meat and cheese burrito from tito’s tacos, a life-size stormtrooper replica from sharper image, or the complete dvd box set of freaks and geeks. get creative, frans.
we mean you no ham. because we are meat. we are the toddland cheeseburger wallet army. i be carl.
i speak on beefhalf of my kind. for many heatlamps we have attempted to overflip your “government” (we cheeseburgers sarcastically use quotation marks to mock your “government”). while our plan is secret sauce, hear this (with your ears you so carefully flaunt with onion rings of metal), it will only succeed if we relish in the strength we have in numbers. many times in the past, our failure has been ordered as a result of being a few burgers short of a value meal. citizens of earth, that problem does not apply within anymore.
look in fear. our army is a completely balanced meal of desctruction! hide in your homes, hold your loved ones, hug your pets. lettuce tell you this, your time has come.
ONE CHARBROILED EARTH, COMING RIGHT UP!!!!
we now return you to your regularly seasoned blog. thank you.
citizens of fun: toddland just received more cheeseburger wallets. buy one quickly before they sell out again. and in doing so, the cheeseburger army will be divided and conquered. thank you for protecting earth from such an embarrassing invasion. we’d never hear the end of it from the martians.
when not shooting touchdowns and scoring first downs, toddland may enjoy some light antiquing. while drinking strong ale. from mount olympus. about a year ago, an ancient lamp was purchased and brought to toddland in hopes of correcting some ill-tempered feng shui. it worked. toddland totally feng shuied it up. after that crisis of wind-water was averted, magic lamp talk started. mockingly, the lamp was rubbed. unmockingly, a large genie appeared. it did not sound like robin williams (who can afford that?!). but it did ask to grant toddland 3 wishes (talk about needy, like brandon who always begged you to come over and play nintendo since he had all the newest games). so after visiting deliberation nation, toddland asked for these wishes:
1) a television sitcom on abc called “the middle”, starring the mom from “everybody loves raymond”, janitor from “scrubs”, mango from “snl”, and a couple kooky kids.
2) toddland shreky cardigan to appear on said sitcom. cardigan MUST be worn by an extra, during a high school valentine’s day party.
3) NEVER MEET THIS GUY:
well, genie granted wishes 1 and 2. pictorial evidence below.
toddland is hoping that means wish 3 is being taken care of.
and special thanks to super friend kristine who gave toddland the heads up on “the middle”. stay tuned for more magic from kristine.
throughout the course of HERstory (toddland is sensitive to the plight of women everywhere, even the tall ones), there have been many famous birds. big bird. toucan sam. paulie (someone get him a cracker, he seems hungry!). but now, fair citizens of life, we all stand and stare (politely) at the rise of a new bird. a bird so powerful it only needs 140 characters to make you bow down. a bird so blue, the ocean and sky look at it with jealous eyes of resentment.
yes. the twitter bird has overtaken all other bird friends and even knocked tony the tiger out of the top spot for favorite product mascot you’d want to spend an afternoon with. while tony would be busy fixing his kerchief, the twitter bird would be giving you the lowdown on the 411 of what’s going one with levar burton (he’s reading!). and now, toddland can rub cyber-elbows with said levar burton.
follow toddland on twitter. there will be posts of up and coming products, events, and even sale items/codes only available to twitter followers. but be warned, with a limit of 140 characters, each single character will pack a punch that would make an old lady wake up.
it’s thursday. late. you’re trying on your fifth outfit. you want this night to be perfect. jerry finally asked you out. you two are planning on meeting at the lambda lambda lambda party. you get your hair to do that thing in the back. that swirly thing it only does sometimes. this is your night…
you spend the next four months of your life trying to piece together who slipped something in your drink (it was jerry), looking for your biological parents (they were just too young, but not a day goes by that they don’t think of you), and fighting for your child that was stolen from the hospital (russell, baby, it’s mommy!)
that’s what happens every thursday. lifetime movies tells it like it is.
if you don’t want to risk all that, stay home thursdays and watch “community” on nbc. you might see the toddland lowie flannel in red.
it’s up to you. it’s your choice. it’s your body. honey-child, darryl can’t tell you what to…. ok, turning off lifetime.
people ask what is the best part of the day in toddland. “what is the best part of the day in toddland?” asked people (and we quote). it is either the 3:00 tickle fights, the 3:05 apologies when tickle fights get uncomfortable, or 3:30 when the mailman walks in on resumed tickle fights. our local mailman is amazicorn because he delivers regular mail (he calls it “snail mail”!!! oh glen!) and then hops onto a computer set and gets us our electronic mails also.
our electronic mail usually has questions from civilians about toddland. questions like “do you have a beard?” or “what does your voice sound like? i bet it sounds like young canaries laughing at love.” or sometimes “what shirts do you guys like or have coming out next?” well, faithful friend of fortune, if you light a torch and go back into your mindcave, you’ll remember that toddland recently made a “splash” at class@asr. while there, a nice man asked questions, and another nice man pointed a video camera in that direction. the rest, as they say, is on youtube:
the toddland department of numbers and pager codes (143 sweetie) has made it their goal in life to speak to a female (mothers excluded) and find the perfect toddland customer. after many speed dating dinners leading to lonely monday nights, one of the goals was reached. the perfect toddland customer has been discovered: indian actors on cbs sitcoms involving scientist that go to the cheesecake factory. often.
example p-14) raj from the cbs sitcom “the big bang theory” was spotted wearing the toddland tabata in brown december, 2009.
evidence j-24) same raj, same sitcom, same jacket, different color!
part of being a dream-making clothing company of funtasy (take that, dr. dictionary), is the occasional trade show. most trade shows boil down to really fancy swap meets. so no bacon-wrapped hot dogs. and instead of buying old star wars toys from oliver, companies show off their upcoming lines to buyers. or, if you’re toddland (check the name on your undies!), you get a canoe, some life vests, and a mountain backdrop for a photo booth.
this was the setup for the class @ asr tradeshow. all the toddland bounties of joy conjured for humans wowed said humans. but the best part of the toddland embassy? one word: giant gummy bear.
fear not, true believers. giant gummy is contained in a glass case of emotion. he cannot harm you. yet.
